Lord Throbbing arrived today, to my great amusement and bewilderment of thepugkids who thought that they had received a new toy (um, no.). Yes, Lord Throbbing's trunk looks like a penis.

I made the cut for the graduate assistantship and have an interview on Friday. I'm leaving Thursday morning for class and will be staying at Darcee's house in E. Lansing Thursday night, coming back to GR after the interview on Friday. Saturday morning I have breakfast with Emili and then work. On Sunday, I'm heading out with Beth and Ryan for Guinness Steak Pie and girly talk back at Darcee's. Monday I have class again and well, the week goes on from there.

The sacrifice for the interview is that I must give up seeing James Bond at midnight tomorrow night AND cancel plans with Joy for Friday night for beer drinking and carousal as I will have to utilize that time for homework. I can't believe I actually thought about re-arranging the interview on Friday just so I could do homework and see Bond, but, fuck it. This is my future we're talking about and an opportunity to work in a library, get paid AND have my tuition taken care of and not kill myself in the upcoming year. I'm not letting that get away.

Speaking of futures, Justin and I have talking fairly in-depth about his upcoming visit because I find myself alternating between whisking him away to Vegas and marrying him or refusing to ever speak to him again. Maybe not those extremes, but, pretty close. There will be no moving on either parts (except him to Chicago, but that was long planned before I came back around), even more so since I'm now looking at Phd programs (again) to apply for the fall of '11.

Then there is the history between us and the long ten year gap between it all. And while it has been great fun and distraction from all the craziness this year that has transpired, I fear of transference of emotion from one to another, something Justin and I have spoken about and discussed and of which he understands. But there is also the underlying reasons of why I fell in love with Justin all those years ago and the things that pissed me off, with most of the reasons of why I broke it off with him were based on immaturity on my part and at the time, the reasons seemed sound.

I recognize I'm emotionally a mess, as Bloc Party so wontonly states, "This is not the time to start a new love, this is not the time to sign a new lease." I'm the least stable person to emotionally get into a relationship.

But as impetuous as I am about such things, perhaps it can be best summed by Justin himself: "it's incredibly stupid, it shows a wanton lack of judgement on both of our parts - which is why it will be so fun."